Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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