My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
