I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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