Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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