i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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