watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
