I wish i was in the wii world.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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