What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
