why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
