You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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