how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
