you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
