im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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