Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
