i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
