he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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