u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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