i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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