I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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