We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
