I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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