Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize