if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
