finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize