Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
