Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
