Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
