So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize