why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
