She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize