so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
