This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
