i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
