she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
