Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
