Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
