Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
