Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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