how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
