I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
