i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
