Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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