i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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