Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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