Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
smell my finger.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
