Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
