Tell her she can't have a vagina
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
