can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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