Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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