He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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