Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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