Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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