I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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