On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
