The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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