Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
