why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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