I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
