To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
