i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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