when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
