Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
