Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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