ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
