My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
