Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize