just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
too bad you live with your parents still
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
