I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
