Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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