Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
