I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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