did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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