I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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