He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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