i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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